One Step Express

One Step Express

4 Steps for a Good Relationship

We live in a very mathematical world. I know it doesn't seem that way but science has shown us even the most random things in the world, like growing leaves, have distinct patterns that, although unique, follow very specific steps to get where they are. Those who look for the steps in any process will find them and benefit greatly from the search. It is a foolish mistake to imagine there are no steps to be taken when it comes to matters of the heart, although many would like to believe it's just sort of natural.

Forming a beautiful relationship is more than just falling in love with someone you find attractive. Taking your time to understand the character traits and history of the person who is your current crush will give you much needed insight into your potential future. Therefore the first good step for a good relationship is to learn as much as you can about the person you wish to love.

1. 1) Investigate your future partner

Everyone has flaws. Some flaws can be deadly to a long-term happy relationship while other flaws are rather innocuous. For some people one kind of flaw may pose no problem whatsoever and not even be thought of as a flaw. Some individuals, for instance, are very chatty. For certain people who need their space to be very quiet, a chatty partner would make their life a living hell. But for others a chatty person may be just what they need to fill a quiet void.

1. 2) Be honest about your compatibilities and incompatibilities

More often than not marriages that end do so because both partners became over-familiar and stopped behaving in a gentlemanly or ladylike manner. The temptation to test your partner's love by behaving poorly is not unusual. Some individuals figure they should be loved enough so that they can be "themselves." They somehow think immature and rude behavior should be acceptable to someone who loves them. Perhaps they're thinking back to when they were little children and their parents thought they were cute regardless of how they behaved. This foolish thinking is the perfect way to destroy an otherwise harmonious and loving relationship. Use your wisdom and discrimination before you act,or say something that will hurt your partner or offend them. Just because you don't act out whatever is going on in your mind at the moment doesn't mean you're not being yourself; you are just choosing to be your nice self. It is not phony to control yourself but it is destructive to not do so.

1. 3) Constantly remind yourself to behave with love and consideration

Most people get into a relationship out of need, and there is nothing wrong with that. We must take care of ourselves and it is not unusual to wish for someone to take care of us as well. But it is too easy to forget the other person also wants to be cared for and loved and got into the relationship with the same intention you had. Thinking about yourself in order to fulfill your needs is not selfishness but forgetting to satisfy the needs of the one you love can only be described as selfishness. Even if your partner is not the "needy" type don't assume everything is OK. The need for love is universal and your expressing love is critical to a healthy relationship. So even if your partner doesn't express a need it is safe to assume it is there anyway.

1. 4) Look for ways to express love on a constant basis

By following the four steps outlined above you almost certainly have a fulfilling and loving relationship - it almost can't be helped. Don't take relationships for granted. Until 'how to live' programs become the standard curriculum in our schools we must look elsewhere for accurate knowledge that will help us in our day to day lives. Lessons For A Happy Marriage will probably not be necessary for the coming generations because the information that is contained within it will probably by then be universally known. But for now it's a good idea to thoroughly read and understand the lessons so what is likely to become the most important relationship of your life will also be the happiest aspect of your life. You deserve to have a great relationship and a great marriage as well as a wonderful family. And don't forget to tell the person that you love, "I love you."

About the Author

Paul Friedman’s entry into the business of helping couples mend their marriages began with a very rough personal experience with divorce. Paul came out of an early retirement to become a mediator. His belief was that couples could easily work out the details of separation and get on with their lives. He discovered the truth from his clients:they only sought divorce because the help they found to stay together didn't work.
Read more relationship advice at Lessons For a Happy Marriage.com

Personal Success Strategies - The Expression-Repression-Depression-Connection

With all these rhymes I was tempted to write a poem about this topic (and I may still...stay tuned for the sequel!!)

However, I decided I would just be straight-forward with these dynamics, seeing how critically valuable they are in our day-to-day lives.

We have a choice we make many times during the course of a day: Express it or repress it.

In other words, we either find a way to release our expression, which may be referred to as "emotional discharge", or we "stuff it", which is synonymous with repression.

It is quite normal to have to do some "stuffing" during the course of a day, but what is important is that you have an awareness of that and find an appropriate time and place to release it.

Think of these emotions as being weights, and every time you stuff one you put some additional weight on your back. It can be very subtle; after all, a pound here and there doesn't amount to much. However, if you begin to accumulate an excessive amount, the load can very easily begin to have some profound effects on your energy.

That is where the "depression" component comes in.

I have never met a person who was struggling with this depressed energy who didn't have a significant amount of unexpressed emotion. So rather than risk getting into any depressive energy, why don't we take look at some healthy methods of expressing your emotions.

1. First, realize your personal indicators of stuffed emotions. Some of the common examples would include fatigue, irritation, isolation, rage, decreased concentration, obsessing or ruminating, anxiety, and sleep and/or appetite disturbances. Identify for yourself what your indicators are.

2. I would recommend doing a daily inventory (call it "mental flossing") to identify what, if any, feelings need to be released.

3. Create a number of outlets to release your emotions. Some examples would include talking to your friends, your spouse, or your support group, writing or journaling, singing, dancing, drumming, running, biking, weight-lifting, kick-boxing, meditation, prayer, and creative visualization. Use all the interventions that you can, and repeat as often as you need to.

4. If any of the above emotional releasing exercises feel "weird", or if you feel vulnerable or uncomfortable in doing them, then I would say "Congratulations!!" to you.

Whenever you step out of on old pattern and into a new one, it is very normal for it to feel weird, vulnerable, and uncomfortable. Those feelings, in fact, are validation that you are creating some new skills to deal with these emotional dynamics.

And just like everything else in life, when you repeat something over and over that is new and uncomfortable or awkward, it soon becomes comfortable and normalized in your day-to-day life.

I hope you stay on the path of the "expression-connection" to avoid the repression-depression of non-expression.

Now I think I will go work on that poem...or maybe I'll even turn into it a rap and really get self-expressed...

(Just a quick disclaimer: Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance that usually needs to be treated by medication, and although the contents of this article can be very helpful in the recovery of such a depressive state, this by no means is meant to be a substitute for medical intervention. If you think you are suffering from clinical depression, I recommend that you see your doctor or a mental health professional.)

About the Author

Ken Donaldson has been offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His programs are focused on empowering people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships. Claim your FREE Relationship Success Special Report at Marry YourSelf First!. Ken is the author of Marry YourSelf First! Saying "I DO" to a Life of Passion, Power and Purpose.

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